Pornonomy Reviews: Tropic of Passion

Tropic of Passion (1973)

Directed by:
Bob Chinn

Starring:
Chlorine Stillwater
Patti Snyder
Sandi Carey
Sandy Dempsey
John Holmes
Mike Haven

"I couldn't wait to get my hands on that slippery Oriental."

Uttered by Johnny Wadd (Holmes...duh), those words precede what could be the best scene in Tropic of Passion, the second of two gloriously amateurish fight scenes. Both see private detective Wadd, hired to retrieve the sex tape of heiress-to-be Ruth Miller (Snyder), facing the "Oriental" gangster Fuk Yu (Chinn), the presumed mastermind behind the blackmail. Both are shot from what seems like 200 yards away and both primarily involve Wadd getting his ass kicked. In the second, though, after a series of Karate 101 arm tosses, Wadd gets the upper hand only to find out that Yu doesn't actually have the film. It's actually in the hands of Ruth's attorney Alex Royal (Haven). What a twist!

Anyway, Tropic of Passion is a pretty early Chinn film - Wadd Series or otherwise - and it shows. The plot largely unfolds by way of expository voice overs between sex scenes that are formulaic and boring and much more of the loop ilk than the "feature" scenes that would prevail later in the decade. The cast is small and unremarkable. Haven's lack of charisma and sexual prowess actually makes his three credit bio seem at least two credits too long.

Taken as a whole, the film would be lucky to merit a D. However, the ability to fast forward through the sex scenes to get to the entertaining non-sex parts (in fact, a 12 minute Youtube edit would be the best way to watch this movie), the half impressive half unnecessary Hawaii location shooting, and the liberal use of Ennio Morricone's "Ecstasy of Gold" push it up to a C-.

Pornonomy Reviews: Sex Star

Sex Star (1983)

Directed by:
Paul G. Vatelli

Starring:
Amy Copeland
Danica Rhea
Lisa Lake
Kimberly Carson
Lynnz
Craig Roberts
Hershel Savage
David Sanders

Danica (Rhea) is a porn star who's lost her groove. Initially, she cites her inability to get into girl/girl, but it seems like she's struggling with sex generally.

At the insistence of her assistant (Lynnz), she takes a break and spends time with friends, Jannette and Richard (Carson and Savage) in order to clear her head. They attempt to set her up with their friend, Michael (Sanders), but she plays the cold fish. However, after spying on Jannette and Richard in bed, a spark seems to be ignited in her. Spurning Michael's advances yet again, she ends up being seduced by Richard. Luckily for Michael, Janette and Richard have an open relationship, so he and Janette have a roll while Danica and Rich are at it.

That time away seems to have righted anything that was wrong, because the closing scene, on the set of the film that went off the rails in the film's cold open, comes off without a hitch.

The film was capably directed and had a story with a lot of promise, but it just never really came together. It may have been that, at only 76 minutes, there wasn't enough time to adequately portray the troubles Danica was having with her career, or maybe it was that Danica Ray's range didn't lend itself to expressing the actual dilemma her character was having, but I found myself pretty bored with the film overall. In fact, the most entertaining part was the bit of the film-within-the-film showed at the beginning and end. And then, it was mostly due to the fantastically bombastic overdub that Craig Roberts's character was supposedly saying to the ladies under his command (Rhea, Lake, Copeland). It was like hearing Mumra, or the narrator at the beginning of The Dark Crystal, telling three chicks to blow him....

I've been on a bit of a Vatelli run lately, and while none have been particularly bad, this is the first I've seen that I don't feel like I'd have missed anything by skipping. C+

Pornonomy Reviews: Trashi

Trashi (1981)

Directed by:
Louis Lewis

Starring:
Copper Penny
Dorothy Lemay
Lisa DeLeeuw
Loni Sanders
Lysa Thatcher
Nicole Black
Serena
Sharon Mitchell
Tigr
David Morris
Joey Silvera
Jon Martin
Kevin James
Michael Morrison
Paul Thomas

Sci-fi, detective noir, comedy? Yes, please!

With the help of his "Igor", Boris (James), Dr. Schtup (Morrison), is in the business of creating love drones to staff his brothel (at least that's an educated guess; it's never addressed directly as far as I recall), and he has just produced his masterpiece, Trashi (DeLeeuw*). His odd laboratory has aroused the interest of the police, specifically Inspector Crotch (Silvera). A cursory questioning doesn't yield information, so Crotch enlists the aid of PI Bic Boner (Thomas) - who also acts as the narrator.

Bic gains entrance to the house by disguising himself as an exterminator. While snooping around in the basement, he's beset by the fembots, CP3X(Thatcher), Vibrata (Tigr), and finally R69D69 (Lemay), before being discovered by Boris. Tied to a bed, things look bleak for Boner before being literally saved by an orgy.

In the end, Schtup's nefarious plans are thwarted and Bic gets the...girl?...girl robot, anyway.

At a brisk 74-minutes, there's a lot to love about this film. The scenes are shot terrifically, the sound design touch of placing reverb on the robots' voices is great, the tongue-in-cheek tone of the film is perfect for Silvera and Thomas (who is always great in roles that require "charmingly aloof, with a wink"), DeLeeuw looks amazing (although it'd be nice if she'd have been able to act a little more, which she always did capably), and it includes one of the best examples of an integrated sex scene I can recall:

Bic Boner's introduction comes while he's in the throws with his secretary (Sanders). Both are in character the entire time, but there's also an admirably funny exchange in dialogue.

Secretary: Bic, you're dick's so fuckin' slick. Do your trick, Bic.

Boner: Would you like me to flick my Bic?

Secretary: Yeah, flick my Bic!

Boner: I love it when you talk to me!

Secretary: Yeah, there's so many words that rhyme with "Bic" it's great!

The delivery of the punchline is so good, it threatened to make me reassess my opinion of Sanders's acting abilities. (The few times I've seen her, she's come off as pretty wooden.)

Trashi also features a few hilariously awful accents. In his autobiography, Ron Jeremy mentioned he always strove for comedy over authenticity in accents, citing specifically his "Southern" accent in Sizzle. If you've seen the film, "comedy" would be the only explanation for his bizarre "New York Jew meets rural South Carolinian" twang. Here, Morrison and James attempt some sort of German/Austrian deal, but Morrison's sounds like some sort of German/Swedish/Indian mess, and James's waffles between the intended and an awful British accent. As the maid, Mitchell attempts a French accent initially, but by the end, it's sort of a generic "Aristocrat" accent with hints of Dracula. Of course, it's ludicrous to nitpick adult actors' abilities (or lack thereof) attempting accents - as long as they're not detrimentally distracting - so the grade won't suffer as a result.

If there is a knock against the film, it's that neither Schtup's grand scheme nor Inspector Crotch's suspicions in that scheme are ever adequately addressed. Honestly, a little more care given to the story here, in my opinion, would have made Trashi an All-Timer. As it stands, it was a lot of fun, and really well put together. A-

* Before the film starts, there's a First Amendment PSA narrated by Lisa DeLeeuw. Now, I'd assume her name is pronounced "Da-Loo", but she actually says "De-LAY-oh". After nearly twenty years of saying it one way, though, it's unlikely I'll change....

Pornonomy Reviews: Talk Dirty To Me

Talk Dirty To Me (1979)

Directed by:
Anthony Spinelli

Starring:
Cris Cassidy
Jesie St. James
Juliet Anderson
Sharon Kane
Aaron Stuart
John Leslie
Richard Pacheco

I've seen about two thirds of Nothing To Hide spread out over four parts. The reason I could never quite get through it is while "you got chocolate in my peanut butter!" is a good thing, "you got Of Mice and Men in my porno!" decidedly is not.

I found out later that NTH is a sequel to Talk Dirty To Me, which until today, I hadn't seen. I was surprised, though, because I had seen Talk Dirty To Me 3 (New) - so, not the Traci Lords version, for obvious reasons. Talk Dirty To Me 3 was about a mermaid, so I assumed that the first and second film would have similarly whimsical tones, light years from the "reality" of Nothing To Hide.

Within fifteen seconds of the start of Talk Dirty To Me, it was apparent that my assumption was incorrect. As in Nothing To Hide, Lenny (Pacheco) is ladies man Jack's (Leslie) slow best friend. (So Lenny is Lennie to Jack's George.) Now, I'm going to go on record that I think the developmentally disabled finding emotional and physical love is great. And I don't have a problem with it in pornography. In theory. The thing is, such a performance would require a nuance that, for the most part, is beyond the acting skills of most X actors. Pacheco plays Lenny with a sort of manic simpleton-ness that would be like filling Nick Kroll's "advanced aging disease-having six year old" from Children's Hospital full of Mello Yello: not bad if it's an over the top comedy, I guess, but cringe-inducing when played straight. Nothing To Hide didn't sit well because the film primarily revolved around Lenny. Mercifully, with the exception of the first ten or fifteen (non-hardcore) minutes, Lenny's pretty well relegated to the background.

Instead, the story focuses on Jack's attempt to bed "Marlene" (St. James), a married woman whose husband (Stuart) is away on business. While we were shown that she and her husband have sex, it's also demonstrated that his unwillingness to talk dirty leaves her unsatisfied. Fortuitously, talking dirty is sort of Jack's forte, evidenced early on by his ability to seduce a doctor (Cassidy) by saying how much he'd like to suck her nipples (an approach with a pretty dubious real-life efficacy...).

After crafting a solid game to get close to Marlene using their shared love for classic cinema and "happening" upon her house while looking for work, Jack has trysts with a met-his-match sexually aggressive realtor (Anderson) and a 'round-the-way girl, Rose (Kane). Rose tells her friend Jill (LeMay, in a surprisingly non-sex role considering she and Kane were given a stereotypically hilarious girl-girl set up when Pacheco and Leslie left the "party" to get beer...) that she's into Jack because he's such a freak. Jack really ratchets up the freakiness by taking Rose into a sleeping Marlene's bedroom, taking her from behind on the floor, just feet from the bed. I typically shy away from the sort of "red hot fucking" prose that crops up in most reviews, but I'm compelled to point out that - owing no small part to Kane and Leslie's talents and chemistry - the scene is some red hot fucking.

Finally, Jack accomplishes his mission, bedding Marlene. The scene is cut against Rose instructing Lenny in the art of physical love. The only scene featuring Lenny, it actually sheds an interesting light on the relationship between Jack and Lenny. Answering Rose, Lenny says that Jack will set him up with women (after he's had them), but it doesn't go super well, because he does his best to emulate the way Jack is with women. Of course, Jack has a certain "I don't know quois" that allows him to be successful with his approach. Lenny does not.

Ending after these scenes, it's worth noting that the film doesn't include any repercussions for Marlene's infidelity: her husband doesn't bust in, she doesn't profess her love for Jack, only to be scorned, her house doesn't explode.... Now, it's possible that pornography doesn't tend to punish women's sexuality the way mainstream films often do (I haven't really paid that much attention, to be honest), but it's something that struck me, anyway.

After Talk Dirty To Me, I'm inclined to finally finish Nothing To Hide, but it's gonna be pretty tough to try to watch it through fresh eyes. Additionally, I'll have to check out Talk Dirty To Me 2, in order to see to what extent the film seems like a series reboot. Anyway, the first installment is well constructed, well paced, and well acted (look, I'll concede that Pacheco does the best he probably could have). B

Pornonomy Revies: Sex Games

Sex Games (1983)

Directed by:
Paul G. Vatelli

Starring:
Becky Savage
Betty Jane
Cody Nicole
Julia Parton
Melanie Scott
Nicole Black
Shauna Grant
Kevin James
Ron Jeremy

You might expect a film that deals with hacking into computers in the early '80s with the a name like Sex Games to deal with the sexy consequences of the threat of nuclear war. In fact, though, it seems like the film was originally titled Electric Love (considering the end credits), so the re-title was probably just an attempt to cash in on the popularity of War Games.

After seeing a special on the exciting new world of home computers, Peter (James) becomes fascinated by the idea of computer dating. After his roommate, Howie (Jeremy), tells him about a special he saw about "computer bandits" that break into other computers through the telephone, Peter hatches a plan to access the records of women at the local computer dating service in order to have the inside scoop on their fantasies. (What isn't explained is why he chooses this route over staying in his current - and by all indications from the opening scene - sexually satisfying relationship. I guess sex with many women trumps sex with one woman.)

After registering with the computer dating service and tricking employee Linda (Nicole) into giving him her access code, Peter accesses the profiles of Colleen (Grant), Chris (Savage), and "Artist" (Scott), finding out that they're looking for a classy man, a rugged biker, and an artist, respectively. Of course, armed with this information and the can't-miss alias "John Smith," Peter takes the women to, I don't know, new sexual heights.

Even though the women call the dating service with rave reviews of "John Smith," the fact that someone's been hacking (or, bandit-ing?) the system causes consternation in the office. Linda decides to set a trap for the elusive Smith. Upon getting caught up, Peter is given the option of prison or "doing whatever" Linda says. So, obviously, he chooses prison. No, wait, that's not right. [SPOILER ALERT] He chooses to have sex with Linda.

For an 84 minute film, it's sort of surprising that there are only six sex scenes. And with the exception of a semi-unnecessary scene between Howie and his girlfriend Tangerine (Jane), they're all James plus woman (or women, in one scene). There is also a surprising amount of time between some sex scenes, but that time is well spent documenting some great vintage computer use...as well as a (presumed unintentionally) hilarious candle light dinner seduction scene and an awful Marlon Brando impression.

For that great footage, James' typical goofy charm, and the fact that, although I've probably seen her before, Sex Games brought Becky Savage to my attention, I'll give it a B.

Pornonomy Reviews: Getting Lucky

Getting Lucky (1984)

Directed by:
Paul G. Vatelli

Starring:
Angel West
Barbara Alton
Shana Evans
Duschca
Janey Robbins
Renee Summers
Mary Ann Richards
Misty Dawn
Rosemarie
Cynthia Brooks
Eric Edwards
Craig Roberts
Marc Wallice
Todd Keller

Another day, another Vatelli flick. This one's a blast from the past, though. Like Dangerous Desires, this is a film I saw nearly twenty years ago, but couldn't remember the title. As soon as it started, though, I knew immediately that Getting Lucky was the film I was thinking of.

Honoring the teen flick staple of taking place in a single day (seen from American Graffiti to Adventures In Babysitting to Superbad - which, okay, probably takes place in, like 30 hours, but who's counting?), Getting Lucky starts at a high school graduation party and ends the following morning. In between, it follows three friends, recent grads played by Todd Keller and Craig Roberts, and "slightly older guy who hangs out with high schoolers that doesn't seem too weird at the time but is pretty creepy when you get older and think about it" Eric Edwards. Intending to head out to a club, the group gets broken up when, stopping at a liquor store to get beer en route, Roberts (who's character "Moon" was probably intended as a sort of scene-stealing slob - Booger, for instance - but just doesn't pan out) is "abducted" by three horny chicks in a van who've made a bet amongst themselves, while cruising around drinking beer, that they can make a guy come ten times in a single night.

Next, after Keller and Edwards get to the bar, Edwards is propositioned by a couple of hustlers (Robbins and Evans). After explaining that normally he's the one paid for sex, they decide that "whoever enjoys it more will pay." Which, yeah, will totally work out....

Left alone, and feeling low because he wasn't able to score with his girlfriend before leaving the party, Keller shuffles out into the street, nearly being run over by a limo. Lucky for him, the rich passenger (Duscha, who's "introduced" by this film, and after the introduction...yeah, I guess I wouldn't have been too torn up if we'd never "met"), offers him a ride (if you catch my drift, wocka wocka).

It's unfortunate, really, that for starting as strongly as it did - there was a really great "they're not really talking about what you think they're talking about" moment to open the movie, and the handwritten "Fuckin'" on the "Happy Graduation" banner is a nice touch - Getting Lucky loses a lot of steam after it gets into what should be the meat of the action. Still, Getting Lucky is a solid reflection of its era, one that arguably defined the teen sex comedy, and is probably better than most of the American Pie knock-offs from the past decade. B-

Pornonomy Reviews: Bodies In Heat

Bodies In Heat (1983)

Directed by:
Paul G. Vatelli

Starring:
Annette Haven
Christie Kaye
Crystal Fire
Janey Robbins
Kimberly Carson
Laura Sands
Raysheena Mercado
Anthony Spinoza
Billy Dee
Eric Edwards
Gilberto Ciro
Hershel Savage
Jerry Davis
Jerry Gullo

Basically since rediscovering Stiff Competition, I've been on the lookout for a film that will give it a run for it's money. As a starting point, I've checked out a few Vatelli films from the same period, and while Lips was a disappointment, and The Girl From S.E.X. showed promise, Bodies in Heat has come closest.

Initially, I was going to comment that Bodies In Heat, like Lips, was a name that had little to do with the movie until I remembered, duh, Body Heat. While In Heat doesn't push the noir feel as far as Heat, the tone is undeniable.

Harry Green (Savage) is a playboy detective who is called in to investigate a robbery at the home of a high-powered lawyer Lawrence DeSalvo. He's met at the house by Laura DeSalvo (Haven), the lawyer's cool, beautiful wife. Green is seduced by Laura, and is further intrigued by her and her situation after a little digging shows her husband's clients are exclusively big time criminals.

Later, when Laura tells Green that she's afraid her husband is going kill her, Green concocts a scheme which ends up with an outcome that is only surprising if (1) you're delightfully naive or (2) are completely unfamiliar with the idea of a femme fatale. While the action/consequence is predictable, the veeery final moment was a twist that actual did surprise me. (Who knows, maybe I'm a little "delightfully naive"....)

With the exception of a pool party/orgy, the sex scenes don't feel too tacked on, which is always nice. Savage and Haven both do great jobs in their roles. The male lead, here, could have been more-than-capably handled by John Leslie, but it's actually nice to see Savage - who often seems relegated to second banana (no pun intended) roles. And Haven's reputed icy and professional demeanor fits the character to a tee. There's a pretty substantial cast list, but with the exception of Lisa DeLeeuw (unfortunately in a non-sex role) as Green's partner, and Kimberly Carson as the station dispatcher who's emotionally and sexually toyed with by Green, there aren't any identifiable characters. At least everybody else is competent, so there aren't any super distracting performances. (Unless you count Janey Robbins's wig in the first scene....)

Do I think there's a film that can unseat Stiff Competition from it's top spot? I hope so. Well, Bodies In Heat isn't it.... But it's not too shabby. B