Pornonomy Reviews: Kate & the Indians

Kate & the Indians (1979)

Directed by:
Allen Swift

Starring:
Kandi Barbour
Kay Parker
Holly Joy
Jennifer West
Bobby Dee
Luke Gusher
Jack Shute
R.J. Reynolds
Luis De Jesus
Mike Ranger
Lawrence Washington

Perhaps the most midnight movie-est porn I've ever seen, while not as technically or narratively solid as Neon Nights, Kate & the Indians is at least as surreal.

The film opens with Kate (Kandi Barbour) and her friend Lisa (Holly Joy) entering the home of anthropology professor Dr. Kurt Von Martin's home. They're there to show the professor a medallion that Kate and her boyfriend Bill came across in the desert. Kurt is interested in the medallion and asks Kate if, in the morning, she'll take him to the place she found it. Before they can make any definite plans, Kurt's wife, Mira (Kay Parker), enters with their...butler, maybe?...Bane (Luke Gusher), who presents Kate and Lisa with glasses of what turns out to be a potion passed down by Mira's ancestors, which is said to "make you enjoy love more." Lisa's hit hard and early by the potion, so Mira whisks her off to the bedroom. And then sits on Lisa's doped up face. When Kate goes to check on Lisa, she's shocked at the scene, but is soon overtaken by the potion herself. At this point, Mira commands Bane to have sex with (or, more accurately, rape) Kate.

Abruptly, the scene shifts to the desert, where Kate and Kurt are tooling around in a jeep. The jeep breaks down, then some weird shit happens, then they come across a man in the desert they hope can help them. Bill (Mike Ranger) takes them back to his house. (Remember, Kate's boyfriend's name is Bill; quite a coincidence. OR IS IT?!?) Kurt notices a medallion around Bill's neck that is the same as the one Kate brought to his house. Bill says that he got it from "the Indians", and ultimately agrees to take Kate and Kurt to see them.

"The Indians" are what appears to be a hippie sex cult with a veneer of Native American stereotypes led by a High Priestess (also Kay Parker). Bill is familiar with the Priestess's husband, Studduck (Bobby Dee), and while the group is getting sauced in his teepee on an elixir whipped up by 'duck's "Number One Son" the Medicine Man, Studduck reminices about an orgy and a time that 'duck and Bill watched Medicine Man and some other guy get blown by two Indian girls. (Both of these instances are shown in flashback scenes, of course.)

The High Priestess, tipped off by a midget in a Nazi helmet (Luis De Jesus), busts into the teepee just after Kate starts blowing 'duck. Furious, she condemns Bill, Kate, and Kurt to death. The three attempt to escape and a sped-up chase scene, set to the final movement of the William Tell Overture, ensues. Ultimately, they're caught and, along with Studduck (who's punished to having his wiener cut off), bound. Bill and Kurt are fellated by Indian girls and Kate is gone down upon by the Priestess herself. Studduck realizes that the Priestess actually just wanted Kate to herself, which is apparently against the rules, so he commands the rest of the Indians to attack her...the Priestess, that is.

At this point, there's a twist that I won't spoil, but is one that you should probably be able to figure out.

Watching this flick, it's virtually impossible not to imagine that it was either conceived, produced, or both, by people with their heads full of hallucinogens. With the exception of a couple of minutes that could have easily been cut out of both the orgy flashback and the pre-sacrifice oral sex festival at the end of the movie, Kate & the Indians is really well-paced over its 83 minutes.

Kate & the Indians is so weird and silly, that if I were tasked with picking a movie for a group of people to watch while getting drunk, it would be waaaay up on that list. A-