Sunday, August 12, 2012

Pornonomy Reviews: Campus Cuties

Campus Cuties (1985)

Directed by:
Paul G. Vatelli

Mauvais DeNoir
Nikki Charm
Summer Rose
Taija Rae
Tracey Adams
Buck Adams
Jesse Eastern
Kevin James
Rick Savage
Shone Taylor
Tom Byron

Per Gore-Gore Girl's suggestion, I decided to check out Revenge of the Petites*. Ten minutes into it, though, it just seemed too new for my first review in so long. There must be a back-to-school feeling in the air, because I dusted off Campus Cuties. Holy smokes, what a turd. It's been well over a month since I've watched a full adult film, and nearly 10 (!) since I've reviewed one, and somehow this is what I chose to re-start with. Yikes.

Briefly, the film is about a country girl (Charm) that leaves her family and boyfriend to attend college in the Big City. She makes friends quickly enough, and then...nothing really happens. There are about a half-dozen times that it seems like a plot is going to develop, and about forty ways off the top of my head that it could have been a pretty decent movie. Instead, you get dialog and acting that would be at home in a local used furniture store commercial, multiple examples of "how to give an uninspired blowjob", some of the worst and least necessary slow motion I've ever seen (limited to the final sex scene: Taylor/Adams/Byron), and - the only moderately interesting sex - Nikki Charm's somewhat impressive reverse cowgirl technique.

"Avoid at all costs" is a little harsh, so I guess I'll say "avoid at most costs." Unless you're really itching for college porn that feels like it was conceived, written, and half-filmed in about an hour by people whose ideas of college were gleaned from a handful of movies they didn't really pay attention to. D

* I will return to Revenge at some point. Soon, probably, to wash the taste of Campus Cuties out of my brain.

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